Take Me In!

I was cleaning my house this morning and worshiping at the same time... doing the dreaded laundry.  I was listening to Petra, one of my OLD albums and what a blessing it was.  Every song was easy off the tongue and that makes it easier for me to just get into the meaning and words and praise more, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, this song, "Take Me In" comes on and I start singing and I am overcome and undone.  Before it is over I am sobbing so hard I felt as if I might be sick.  The desire to "see" God was so strong and the desire to be intimate with the ONE true God was so heavy that I was overcome with grief.  Grieved because I cannot literally see Him right now. Grieved that I know I have yet un-confessed things that keep me from Him, even if I don't realize yet what they are.  Grieved because no matter how hard I try, I will never live up to what He wants me to be or what He wants from me. 

Then that moment of overwhelming grief turns to praise because as the song says, I can enter that Holy of Holies because of the Blood Of The Lamb!  I praise you God for your righteousness and for your grace and love.  I am nothing and deserve worse than nothing, but because of YOUR love Lord I will be given grace that I do not deserve and I will be shown love beyond my imagining.  Thank you Lord for your mercy.  Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice.  Thank you Holy Spirit for dwelling within me and reminding me of it all whenever I loose sight.

Praise You Lord!

Petra, "Take Me In"

Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy Place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
And the Priests who sing your praise
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
But it's only found in one place

[Chorus:]
Take me into the holy of holies
Take me in by the blood of the lamb
Take me into the holy of holies
Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am

Faith

Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light.....Helen Keller

"A Shattered World"

That is what we are is it not?  A shattered world?  I know that in my own life I have lived through many things that would not only shatter the world of someone but obliterate it if it weren't for one thing... Faith.  And my faith has sustained me, saved me and brought me through many things in this world that would hope to destroy me.

You have to be careful though, because faith alone is nothing at all.  You must have faith in the right thing.  It is not faith in the invisible unseen things that we know nothing about.  It is not faith in that little round fat man that smiles smugly at you when you look at his little brass idol.  And for sure it is not faith in myself because heaven knows that if I put faith in myself I will surely let myself down.  It isn't even faith in faith, for what in the world is that?

Without something substantial to base your faith on, faith is nothing more than a blind wish that is made upon a star when you see the first star appear in the heavens.  It is random, left up to nothing more than, "What if's!"

But when we choose to base our faith on the One who was the same yesterday, today and always; the One who has said what He will do, and has done; the One who makes the lame walk and the blind see.  If we choose to base our faith on the One who gave His life to save ours, then there is hope and in that hope faith springs forth and gives birth to light!  And in that light no darkness can ever hope to gain ground and what once was shattered is now glistening as diamonds in the sun!

Faith in Our Lord is our strength, and though we are a shattered people, when we are restored then we shine all the more.... We become the light in the darkness.  But our faith must be placed righteously, or it is not of faith at all.

September 11, 2001

September 11, 2001 was a sad day for me to begin with.  I woke up thinking about my dad who had passed away a few months before.  September 11th was the first birthday to come to pass of my dad since his death, so when I woke up I started the day with tears. 

The house was quiet and I didn't know what I was going to do with myself so I got up and went to the living room and turned on the television, it was early and I was looking for the news.  When I found the news it was a picture of the first World Trade Tower with smoke billowing out of it.   At first I was confused because I wasn't sure if I really had the news or had found a movie, but I quickly realized that it was not a movie and sadly it was very real. 

As I watch in horror of the unfolding events I saw the second plain fly into the second tower live.  Alone in my living room I gasped and screamed no, and the tears began to flow.  I could not believe that what I was seeing was truly happening. 

So for the next several hours I watched as things unfolded and untold numbers of people died.  The tragedy was heart breaking and nothing was about to make it better.  September 11th was a day that was nothing but pain for me and now the American people would share in my grief but for a different reason.

Today I still cry on this day for my lost time with my dad as well as for all the lives lost and changed by the World Trade Center attacks.  Our country has been forever changed by this day and I pray that more people have been changed for the good than the bad. 

I end in a prayer that the Lord would bless all the survivors, their families and friends and all the people who worked tirelessly and selflessly during and after the attacks.  Lord bless you and keep you all, Amen.

New Chapter in Motherhood

I have been a stay at home mom for almost 6 years now.  It has been difficult but overwhelmingly rewarding.  Tomorrow, my daughter starts her career as a kindergartner.. :)  She is so excited she can't wait.  Mommy on the other hand could wait a while longer.

Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for my daughter, she is amazing and she is going to do great things in school.  She is a lover of learning and of making new friends and I know this is the best thing for her.  However, mommy isn't ready to let her walk out the door and spend her day with a bunch of people that she doesn't know!  But I know is that this will be a great learning experience for me as well, one filled with laughter, joy and a few tears.

You see, I can't wait to see her happy little face when I take her tomorrow and when I pick her up at the end of the day.  I can't wait to eat up all her words of excitement as she shares all the little details of her day.  I can't wait for her first field trip, her first play, her first performance and her first new art projects.  I can't wait for the day she reads her first book and feels that feeling of being proud of herself.  Those will be wonderful things to never forget. Those are the jewels tucked away in my heart.

A Conversation With Jesus

Not long ago a conversation with Jesus that I had went something like this.

Jesus: I have missed spending time with you recently.
Carri: I have been really busy with my daughter's school, our businesses, work and family life in general.

Jesus: I understand. But you know the Shepherd knows when his sheep wander off for awhile.
Carri: I know, I'm sorry.

Jesus: I was glad you came to me with your fear about being ill.
Carri: I don’t know how I could have handled that without you.

Jesus: I am there for you. But you know I am also there when things are going well.
Carri: I know. I forget that sometimes and I get so busy with stupid things that I forget to pray and spend time with you.

Jesus: I was just wondering something.
Carri: What?

Jesus: Did you find time to spend with your friends on facebook and email and other places today?
Carri: Do you need a refill or something to eat?

Jesus: Nice try. You make time for what is important to you. I want to be as important to you as you are to me.
Carri: Why do you put up with me?

Jesus: Because I love you. And I always will.

If you are like me some of your days are very similar to that when it comes to your relationship with Jesus. All or nothing. He wants us to remember that no matter what is going on in our daily lives whether it be burnt toast or birthday's that He is there waiting for us to run to Him and tell Him all about it. Yes, He already knows, but He still wants to hear it from you.

Think about our own kids, nothing gives us more pleasure then seeing our children run to us with good news, joy filled excitement over what wonderful thing just happened. Jesus wants that with us too. His heart breaks when ours does, and His heart overwhelms with joy when He see's our happiness and excitement. Don't keep Him locked out, invite Him in. He is just waiting, ever patiently.  His love and patience never fades.