Take Me In!

I was cleaning my house this morning and worshiping at the same time... doing the dreaded laundry.  I was listening to Petra, one of my OLD albums and what a blessing it was.  Every song was easy off the tongue and that makes it easier for me to just get into the meaning and words and praise more, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, this song, "Take Me In" comes on and I start singing and I am overcome and undone.  Before it is over I am sobbing so hard I felt as if I might be sick.  The desire to "see" God was so strong and the desire to be intimate with the ONE true God was so heavy that I was overcome with grief.  Grieved because I cannot literally see Him right now. Grieved that I know I have yet un-confessed things that keep me from Him, even if I don't realize yet what they are.  Grieved because no matter how hard I try, I will never live up to what He wants me to be or what He wants from me. 

Then that moment of overwhelming grief turns to praise because as the song says, I can enter that Holy of Holies because of the Blood Of The Lamb!  I praise you God for your righteousness and for your grace and love.  I am nothing and deserve worse than nothing, but because of YOUR love Lord I will be given grace that I do not deserve and I will be shown love beyond my imagining.  Thank you Lord for your mercy.  Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice.  Thank you Holy Spirit for dwelling within me and reminding me of it all whenever I loose sight.

Praise You Lord!

Petra, "Take Me In"

Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy Place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
And the Priests who sing your praise
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
But it's only found in one place

[Chorus:]
Take me into the holy of holies
Take me in by the blood of the lamb
Take me into the holy of holies
Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am

Faith

Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light.....Helen Keller

"A Shattered World"

That is what we are is it not?  A shattered world?  I know that in my own life I have lived through many things that would not only shatter the world of someone but obliterate it if it weren't for one thing... Faith.  And my faith has sustained me, saved me and brought me through many things in this world that would hope to destroy me.

You have to be careful though, because faith alone is nothing at all.  You must have faith in the right thing.  It is not faith in the invisible unseen things that we know nothing about.  It is not faith in that little round fat man that smiles smugly at you when you look at his little brass idol.  And for sure it is not faith in myself because heaven knows that if I put faith in myself I will surely let myself down.  It isn't even faith in faith, for what in the world is that?

Without something substantial to base your faith on, faith is nothing more than a blind wish that is made upon a star when you see the first star appear in the heavens.  It is random, left up to nothing more than, "What if's!"

But when we choose to base our faith on the One who was the same yesterday, today and always; the One who has said what He will do, and has done; the One who makes the lame walk and the blind see.  If we choose to base our faith on the One who gave His life to save ours, then there is hope and in that hope faith springs forth and gives birth to light!  And in that light no darkness can ever hope to gain ground and what once was shattered is now glistening as diamonds in the sun!

Faith in Our Lord is our strength, and though we are a shattered people, when we are restored then we shine all the more.... We become the light in the darkness.  But our faith must be placed righteously, or it is not of faith at all.

September 11, 2001

September 11, 2001 was a sad day for me to begin with.  I woke up thinking about my dad who had passed away a few months before.  September 11th was the first birthday to come to pass of my dad since his death, so when I woke up I started the day with tears. 

The house was quiet and I didn't know what I was going to do with myself so I got up and went to the living room and turned on the television, it was early and I was looking for the news.  When I found the news it was a picture of the first World Trade Tower with smoke billowing out of it.   At first I was confused because I wasn't sure if I really had the news or had found a movie, but I quickly realized that it was not a movie and sadly it was very real. 

As I watch in horror of the unfolding events I saw the second plain fly into the second tower live.  Alone in my living room I gasped and screamed no, and the tears began to flow.  I could not believe that what I was seeing was truly happening. 

So for the next several hours I watched as things unfolded and untold numbers of people died.  The tragedy was heart breaking and nothing was about to make it better.  September 11th was a day that was nothing but pain for me and now the American people would share in my grief but for a different reason.

Today I still cry on this day for my lost time with my dad as well as for all the lives lost and changed by the World Trade Center attacks.  Our country has been forever changed by this day and I pray that more people have been changed for the good than the bad. 

I end in a prayer that the Lord would bless all the survivors, their families and friends and all the people who worked tirelessly and selflessly during and after the attacks.  Lord bless you and keep you all, Amen.

New Chapter in Motherhood

I have been a stay at home mom for almost 6 years now.  It has been difficult but overwhelmingly rewarding.  Tomorrow, my daughter starts her career as a kindergartner.. :)  She is so excited she can't wait.  Mommy on the other hand could wait a while longer.

Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for my daughter, she is amazing and she is going to do great things in school.  She is a lover of learning and of making new friends and I know this is the best thing for her.  However, mommy isn't ready to let her walk out the door and spend her day with a bunch of people that she doesn't know!  But I know is that this will be a great learning experience for me as well, one filled with laughter, joy and a few tears.

You see, I can't wait to see her happy little face when I take her tomorrow and when I pick her up at the end of the day.  I can't wait to eat up all her words of excitement as she shares all the little details of her day.  I can't wait for her first field trip, her first play, her first performance and her first new art projects.  I can't wait for the day she reads her first book and feels that feeling of being proud of herself.  Those will be wonderful things to never forget. Those are the jewels tucked away in my heart.

A Conversation With Jesus

Not long ago a conversation with Jesus that I had went something like this.

Jesus: I have missed spending time with you recently.
Carri: I have been really busy with my daughter's school, our businesses, work and family life in general.

Jesus: I understand. But you know the Shepherd knows when his sheep wander off for awhile.
Carri: I know, I'm sorry.

Jesus: I was glad you came to me with your fear about being ill.
Carri: I don’t know how I could have handled that without you.

Jesus: I am there for you. But you know I am also there when things are going well.
Carri: I know. I forget that sometimes and I get so busy with stupid things that I forget to pray and spend time with you.

Jesus: I was just wondering something.
Carri: What?

Jesus: Did you find time to spend with your friends on facebook and email and other places today?
Carri: Do you need a refill or something to eat?

Jesus: Nice try. You make time for what is important to you. I want to be as important to you as you are to me.
Carri: Why do you put up with me?

Jesus: Because I love you. And I always will.

If you are like me some of your days are very similar to that when it comes to your relationship with Jesus. All or nothing. He wants us to remember that no matter what is going on in our daily lives whether it be burnt toast or birthday's that He is there waiting for us to run to Him and tell Him all about it. Yes, He already knows, but He still wants to hear it from you.

Think about our own kids, nothing gives us more pleasure then seeing our children run to us with good news, joy filled excitement over what wonderful thing just happened. Jesus wants that with us too. His heart breaks when ours does, and His heart overwhelms with joy when He see's our happiness and excitement. Don't keep Him locked out, invite Him in. He is just waiting, ever patiently.  His love and patience never fades.

Art out of nothing!

My daughter is quite the girl, and has quite the imagination. She is always making something out of nothing, and this is no exception. This is a face she made outside out of a stepping stone, rocks and shovels. Awesome!

Wow! Progress!

Last night I went to the gym and had a personal training session to revamp my exercise program. I didn't expect much more than the same old thing I have been doing... maybe going up in weight a bit. However, that is not what I got!

Over the last 3 to 4 months I have gotten significantly stronger without even realizing it. I was doing 10 different exercises each week with weight no more than 40 lbs, most of the time around 20 lbs, to 19 with the average weight around 75 lbs topping out at 150 lbs. I am shocked, more because it didn't kill me, it felt good. I have gotten much stronger, and I can tell mostly because today, I am not dying with pain. My pecs are slightly sore, other than that I feel good!

It is an amazing feeling to be able to work hard and not have it kill you!

Wow! Progress!!!

It's Been A While!

I have been so busy, doing so many things that I have neglected my Blog! Shame on me. I really need to get back to blogging, and stick with it. I love to write, I just need to make time.

The year is amazingly half over and the summer is shaping up to be beautiful so far. I am just praying the last half of summer is as nice, and not tooooo hot!

My husband is embarking on a new adventure this summer, the STP or Seattle to Portland. It is a 202 mile road bike ride. He has been training for quite some time now and is getting in super shape and just amazing me with his perseverance. He is still working hard to take care of us, and to love us. He is the prince charming to my daughter, and to me :)

Charis is doing wonderful. She is growing like a weed and I can't believe she will be starting Pre-K this fall, and turning 5! Wasn't she just born yesterday? I don't know why, but the best things in life move on quickly and if we don't cherish them then we are fools.

I am now working out 3 or more times a week! Yay me! I am a member at a new gym in the area called The Lord's Gym. It is a wonderful place that makes everyone feel most wanted and wonderful. I am blessed to have found it. My goal is to be able to shop in the normal size clothing stores without having to go to plus sizes! I want to achieve that by October, our anniversary. It would be wonderful to feel better by then for our trip to the coast!

Well, it is off to do more laundry, cleaning and chatting with the sweet pea!

Until next time... Be Blessed!

My Year in Review!

Well, last year is over and it is a New Year! We all look forward to it as a new beginning and fresh start, with hope and a sense of moving forward. We all want it to be different then the last, better than the last... I don't believe that that is ever different. We may have good years but we always want the new year to be even better than last. It is the same for me, I so want it to be better than the last. But in order to know if it is better we have to look back and see where we were, how far we came, and how God's hand was in the midst of it all, so that is what I am doing.

Last year for me was a year of turmoil, good and bad. We started off rocky, Mark was new at his job and money was extremely tight after him being off work for 8 months. We didn't know how we would make ends meet with what he made at work and that stressed us both very much. But we believed God would provide, He always had, and behold, Mark was promoted 4 times in the next 6 months with 4 raises. Unheard of with the state. God truly blessed us, He took care of us. We still struggle making ends meet because of the crazy gas price issues and the fact that food and essentials are so much more expensive than ever before, but we are sure God will make a way for us, He has proven faithful every single time.

We bought a house in the spring and with that came more stress. It was the 5th move in 2 years and it was enough to almost drive me batty. But it is a beautiful piece of land in the country/mountains and I love it. It has been a challenge to fit our stuff into our new home since it is much smaller than we were used to, but that too is a good thing. What is really important? When it comes down to it, not much! One of the biggest struggles I had with living where we do this last year is making it into town. It is 30 minutes to the nearest place, and 45 to most and with gas prices outrageous it was a juggle to do what I needed, all in ONE day with a 3 year old in tow.

Mark worked through the summer in Seattle on union negotiations 2 hours away, so he would leave at 4 in the morning and not be home till 6, 7 or 8 in the evening, sometimes not making it home till after 10. For me those were extremely lonely days. I was only going to town once a week, so my contact with real people other than my daughter was limited and for me it was almost like being help prisoner by my own home. But, Mark is working from Oly again and so he is home before 6 every night. He is my best friend and I adore having him around.

My daughter this year has been a blessing to us, we can't imagine life without her in it, or what it was like before. She gave us a few scares this year with her asthma issues, having to go to the hospital. But God has kept her safe and she loves life, even if she hates treatments.

We started our business this fall and have a ways to go before it is what we want it to be, but it is started and for that, Yahooo! Now, we need to make the time to work on the site, and on Mark's art. He has hundreds of drawings/paintings to upload, which takes hours. Each painting has to be changed to a different size when uploading for every single product. So if I want to sell a cup, the graphic has to be such and such size, while the shirt is a different size. It makes it very time consuming. But what a blessing it will be if we continue to persevere and make this work the way we want. My hope is it will bring enough money in to pay for extras like vacation, school things for Charis, and fun stuff for her like dance or music... whatever she falls in love with.

My relationship with God isn't where I want it to be at all, but if it was I think I should be scared. I don't think any of us will ever be where we need to be when it comes to our relationship with God until we are fully in His presence and this world is washed away. But my longing is to get closer to Him, to feel Him in my life, to rely on the Spirit and to long for My KING. I read a blog the other day, and the man was talking about his Papa, and how amazing he was. He was so loved by his Papa that nothing else mattered. His Papa was God and for me God has never been daddy, Papa or anything so endearing. Father and God yes, but not Papa. Father and God seem very formal, revered, and authoritative, but Daddy, Papa seem so loving, devoted, cherished, and deeply caring. That is how I want to see my God now, as my Papa, and I will ask Him every day to show me that part of Him.

So I look forward after looking back, knowing that God will provide me and my family with health, a place to live, food to eat, and love to share. He will become all that we need, making everything else less important, even our own agendas. He will increase, I will decrease. My next year will be better than the last, deeper than the last, more beautiful than the last. And if the world continues to get worse, fall apart, move into upheaval I know that there is One who will sustain my path, calm my fears, and protect every step I take because He loves me more than any imagining could congure. And for that I am grateful and I can say, Happy New Year in my Papa's name!

God bless!

Christmas is Coming!

Yes, Christmas is coming, and sometimes we need something to lighten the load... So here for your laughing pleasure is Straight No Chaser with 12 Days of Christmas! Enjoy!!