I am a Writer

In the last two weeks I have embarked on a new journey that has both blessed and challenged me.  I have been in two different writing workshops and have experienced more excitement and hope for my future than I have in a long time.  I have had some light-bulb moments and I have seen a clearer future.  I have had a real peace enter into my world.  All these things added together make me long and yearn for more workshops and ways to challenge myself.  I believe writing may become my new addiction.

I have learned that when I write I am not alone, there is a whole world out there that can be part of my  world when I write.  Until now I have never realized how true that reality is.  I do have a voice and I am not silent anymore.  I no longer have regrets for having an opinion, for telling the truth or sharing my heart. My faith, family and experiences are what make me who I am and they should not be hidden away.  I am a writer and sharing those things is what I do!

I have never thought of myself that way, as a writer.  Of course my husband loved my writing but... wasn't he supposed too?  His job is to build me up and take care of me.  He has always tried to make me feel good about myself and the things I try to accomplish so of course he must have lied... right?  After working with some incredible women over the last couple of weeks I now know that he was telling the truth.  Bias may have been involved of course but not as much as I assumed. I was good, had a talent and was getting better.

I now know that my writing is responded to in a positive way.  I have had quite a bit of positive feedback lately online and in my peer group in the workshops.  It is so hard to accept a compliment.  I have a lot of work to do but in that quest to get better I am still good and have the potential to be great.  I can share all I know, love and dream of and it has the potential to touch someone, help someone, give someone hope for a future.  I can help someone see and feel the true power of God I have seen and felt.  I can help someone start loving themselves and stop with the self torture that was started by someone else long ago.  I have a vision, a purpose.  I am a writer!

No matter what happens from here or where I go I have my words .  They are always inside me and they will no longer be silenced by fear, hatred, procrastination, guilt or duty.  They will be given a platform, a piece of paper.  They will be read, scratched out on tissue, rewritten, spoken and sung.  They will live on and be a gift to my daughter and her children and the love of my life.  They will build up hearts, tear down strong-holds, and bring peace.  They are me.  I am a writer!

Silence

The silence of the morning
brings back the memory of my baby girl
the smell of her hair and her newborn skin

The silence of the afternoon
brings the relaxation of a warm summer day
laying around feeling the breeze on my skin
hearing the birds chirp
and smelling the pine waft through the air

The silence of the evening
is a gift of my lovers arms
and the joy I feel walking hand in hand
down the dark dirt roads with him
enjoying the moonlit skies.

Silence is my joy, my peace and my refuge.

Rules!

I took an amazing workshop for creative non-fiction this last weekend.  It was incredible!  One of the things we did was look at poetry and I had to write something.  I was scared!  I used to write poetry but it was all very emotional and it was the rhyming stuff and the kind where you had to count lines and stuff.  

Well I didn't want to do that and yet writing a poem that did not rhyme didn't make sense to me either.  I needed rules!  I have followed rules all my life and this shouldn't be the exception right! Wrong!  I was quickly urged to write something that didn't rhyme and something that was not important or moving! Nichole offered up that I should write about rules, so I did and you get to be some of the first to read it!  Feed back would be awesome!  Have fun!  And no, I didn't follow any rules, grammar or otherwise!

"Rules"

There are so many rules!

Here I am...

Thinking about writing, creating a poem...

And the rules jump in and promise to end all of my fun!

I say POO to the rules!

Who made them anyway?

Some man, old and stuffy?

Some old woman, collar stacked high and tight around her neck?

What do they know about fun?

i say they don't know much at all.

I want to play, explore and feel expression.

I don't want to count my worlds or make them rhyme!

Rules, always needed and always ready to be broken.

If that isn't the case...

What fun would the rules be anyway!

The Dream

There are so many green trees, lush beautiful green trees.  There are fields of green tall grasses softened with dashes of gold.  The beauty is unimaginable, nothing we have here compares, nothing here can even try to compete.  Breathtaking is not a strong enough word to describe what I can see.

I look to my right and standing there is Father God, "All this is yours," He says as He gently smiles down at me. Looking back to the beauty I see a sparkling silver and gold river flowing through the field, the river is never-ending and as I look at it I immediately know that love flows through it, through to me.  It is the love of the Father and it flows freely, uninterrupted and it requires nothing from me to flow.  It just is, and it will always be there for me.

I am in awe and as tears start to gather in the corners of my eyes I know that I am on a journey, and the best is yet to come.  From the trees I can see someone walking out towards me and I know immediately it is Him, my Saviour, Jesus.  My heart races and I flush with anticipation and excitement because the thought of coming face to face with the Son of God, the one who died because of me and for me is truly exhilarating and humbling.

My eyes blink and as they do Jesus is next to me that quickly and He looks out to the fields and they explode as far as the eye can see and I am no longer looking at a field surrounded by trees but a vastness that reaches beyond my eyes ability to comprehend.  I see hill after hill of beautiful green, gold, silver, and every other dashing color you can imagine.  "My plans for you are mighty and you will amount to more than you know.  I have far more for you than you can imagine.  I will satisfy your desire to give and your need for love."

My tears drop and He gently catches each one, wiping them clean from my face I am filled with more joy than I have ever felt.  He hands me a beautiful old jewelry box.  It is wood and it has a red velvet design etched into it.  Inside I find it is full of old gold coins.  I take one out and it is immediately replaced.  I take more out and immediately the box is full again.  He smiles and looks at me, "I am excited to give this to you and more, I will satisfy your desire to give and your need for love."

I am then awakened by the sounds of the shower as my husband gets ready for work.  The dream ends. But was it a dream?  Or was it the gift of a giving Father, one that reassures you that you are not alone, and that all you need and more will be given to you.  He is my Father and as with all good fathers He will never leave me or forsake me.  Thank you Father for your promises and for that dream.